Feeling discouraged.

How many times am I going to have to get back to this spot before I break the cycle?

You know what cycle I'm talking about......

"I feel so good! I'm happy, I look great" *insert downward spiral here* "what have I done to myself? I feel like crap, discouraged, discouraged, discouraged....." *insert super motivated self loving mode here* 

And so on...

I'm discouraged. I'm sad. I'm disappointed in myself.

I know what I want to do, I know what I need to do - just 6 months ago I was the encouraging one promoting self-love and scolding my clients when they'd spew the self-hate bullshit. 

I feel like I'm making ZERO progress , and today when I had to step on the scale again I just crumbled. I know, I know, I said I wasnt going to do that anymore - but this time I had to for fitness info purposes. 

*deep breath*

I'm breaking the cycle - starting today. No more tears, no more self-hate.    

Only encouraging words from here on out! I KNOW I can do this...I've done it before. 

Now just to keep myself from falling down that *downward spiral* again

Just a harmless cheat night......

Uuuuugh! I'm feelin it BIG TIME. 

We decided to go out last night for Cris' sr. b lacrosse draft, so I figured I'd have some drinks with our friends and enjoy some pub goodies. 

BIG...no...HUGE mistake. 

My poor body. 

After eating so clean and only having a few small glasses of wine in the last while, my body must have thought I was poisoning it. Well, I guess I kinda was.

There's nothing wrong with allowing yourself a treat now and then, don't get me wrong, but this sure taught me a lesson in over endulgence. Nothing's worse than a hangover AND a tummy ache due to all the poor food choices. 

Tomorrow I'm gonna treat my body to a fantastic double workout, and some super clean & delicious eats. 

Change!! I can feel it!

I'm so sore today!

My legs have hurt for the past 3 days, my core is super tight, and today my shoulders are tender....

But MAN do I feel good today! When I put on my yoga pants they were loose in the hips, my "squat bum" is turning into something other than a "diddly squat" bum (heh. that just came to me! But seriously I've always had a flat a$$) and my arms - I can see my muscles again! HALLELUJAH! 

Let me tell you, I've dreaded my workouts for the past 3 days. I've been tired, dealing with sick kids all week, sore as heck....but I still did it, and I can't even explain how much better I felt after I sweat it out. 

I feel so glad to have gotten off my butt, and pushed through even when I felt like doing nothing but lying on my couch with a book! 

If you're having a tough day today, and you really don't feel like working out this is for you: 

YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!! 

A little rant....

This morning a local radio station posted a photo of the new winner of "The Biggest Loser", asking if she'd done a good job or lost too much.

I expected there'd be differing opinions, and I'm not 100% on board with how TBL does things - but this woman worked hard, pushed through sweat & tears, and some of the comments on there were so incredibly hurtful and rude.
We should be patting her on the back, congratulating her!

When id reached my 30lb loss, I weighed 130-132lbs - and I was constantly being met with comments like "you're getting to skinny!", "definitely don't lose anymore weight", "yikes - are those ribs I see?".....and so on.

Those comments can be just as hurtful and damaging as "fat" comments to someone who is over weight.

Who are we to judge ANYONE? Why do we always feel like we have some right to voice our opinions on someone else's body? I realize she put herself out there by going on a tv show that millions of people watch - but can you imagine how hard that was for her? Imagine walking out onto a stage in Rexall place in just your underwear - letting all of your insecurities hang out. The people who go on shows like this have hit rock bottom, they no longer know what else to do. Good for them for even getting out there and attempting to make a change - there are SO many people struggling with their health, not knowing where to start...they're scared and intimidated by the thought of walking into a gym, let alone going on a tv show!  We need to HELP these people.....if you wanna sit back and judge "obese" people, try encouraging them - don't keep judging them as soon as they do something about it!

Worry about your own health....next time you want to make mean, insensitive comments about someone else's body, imagine being in their position.  How would you feel?

/end rant.

Taking control of my happiness, once and for all!

I stepped on the scale today.....

Why? Ugh! Why do I do that to myself every dang time......

It's torture, it's cruel...you can know deep down that the number on the scale doesn't mean anything, you can be feeling great and making changes, but when you look down and see those numbers you've been dreading so much, you can't help but beat yourself up!


I'm DONE letting these numbers determine my happiness, I'm DONE stressing over calories and steps and minutes - they're all just NUMBERS! They will not change how I feel.

Scale - gone
MFP - not touchin it
HRM - buh bye!

I am going to continue to work hard and fuel my body with what it needs, when I need it! I have the knowledge to help me make the right choices - now it's on me to make sure that happens.


I won't let numbers determine my happiness  


Not anymore!


That new found energy, the way my pants fit me just right, those sexy muscles I can see coming back.......

I'm gonna let THAT fuel me - that'll be my motivation - THAT is why I do what I do - not for some silly number <3

I owe it to myself......

I'm tired today. Exhausted, actually.....

For the last 2 weeks we've been dealing with sickness - everything from the tummy flu, to a nasty cough -  and this week looks like it's not going to be much different! I tell myself constantly, "if you get up before the kids you can get your workout over with, and it'll give you more energy", then I have a night like last night. Ty was up every hour coughing so hard he'd nearly get sick, he was in my bed, out of my bed, in my bed, out....I got NO sleep. Needless to say, when my alarm went off this morning there was no way I was getting up to workout.

Now, in the past I'd have used my lack of sleep as an excuse to not workout at all, telling myself "ill do it tomorrow - I'm sure tonight will be better", and then continuing this pattern day after day. Not anymore! My workout will be done today, and I'll do it knowing that I'm going to feel better afterward....I always do!

"I owe it to myself, and my kids, to take some time for me today!"

That is something I'm going to remind myself of Every. Single. Day.
My whole family deserves the best "me", and I know that after an hour of sweating it out I'm in a much better place mentally :)

If you're struggling like I am today, hopefully you find this helpful!


Oh - and one last thing. I've been asked to break down my first post, go into more details about my struggles throughout the years. I will be doing this eventually, it'll just take some time to write it all out.

Have a Great day!